AREWECOURTINGFORCOURT?

Courtship has been afundamentalfacetintheexistenceofalllifeforms.Particularly,
tothehumanrace,itaccountsforageneroussupplyofhumansallthroughoutthe
generationsinawayoranother,sinceitisapieceinthemosaicofmarriage.Inthe
renaissanceandtheenlightenmentera,courtship,tookamoredramaticyet
unconventionalturn.Theoldfolksfoundanewandrationalrecovery,intheskillsand
valuesofclassicalart,theartisticlegacywasbyfarexhibitedallthroughoutpoetryand
paintings.Throughart,theyspokemoreeloquentlyandmasteredthemagicofflattery
wrappedinwitandepigram.AsSarahFieldingsaid,”Flatteryincourtshipisthehighest
insolence,forwhilstitpretendstobestowonyoumorethanyoudeserve,itiswatching
anopportunitytotakefromyouwhatyoureallyhave”.Thishoweveropposedtheversion
ofcourtship,theEskimosandgypsies;seemedtoholdinscornandutterviolence.
Courtshiptothem,camealmostasnaturallyaswhenaboyhadgatheredenough
powertoinflictapunch.A”killerblow”wasthesweettalk.Awomanwasoften
abductedfromherhome,usuallybyherhusbandto-be,aftershehadbeenbruisedand
sometimesleftfordead,intohernewhusband’shome.Here,shesettled,endured,
anticipatingforthe”brighter”future.Courtship,therefore,isnotsomethingdiscovered
yesterdayoraconceptbornofglobalisation.
Ihaveheardanexperienceofmyown,whichIseldom,albeitreluctantly,recountin
disdain.Although,afterIhavehadagenerousdrinkandagreatcompanyisabout,I
unblushinglyaccountfortheratherdeprecatinganecdote.Afterafrailconquestat
Quin(notrealname),myperceptionatcourting,seemedtohavetakenawholenew
dimension.
Beingnothinglessofashygrownman,whospokewithagirl,onlywithmyeyes(that
someunrulyvillagedametermedassexy),soaringaloft.Ichosemywordscarefully,
wheneverIplannedonmeetingQuin,butoften,mytonguefailedme,andafew
epilepticsoundsescapedmymouth;Ofcourse,shealwayslaughed;Idon’tknow
whetherindismayorremorse.Butsheoftenseemedtohavecometoour”date”,for
theveryunfortunate”battleofwords”,Iwageduponmyself.Themoresheindulgedin
theunnecessarylaughter,themoreIwhimperedandvainlysoughtfortheredeeming
magicalword.Oneminute,Iwouldbedraggingmyselfforthtoapproachherlikea
seasonedfishermanontheline;theother,Iwouldbeleaninginwithtimidity,likeasix￾yearoldtoldtoleadafamilyinprayer.Manyatime,Iwonderedwhy,Icouldtellmyself
comfortablyhowIlovemyself,butwhenQuinwasaroundandthe”revelation”time

wasabout,myheartoftenkickedmyribcagesohard,foranimmediatereleaseandmy
bodyconvulsedlikeafaultymotor.Afterafewthoughtfulmoments,IdecidedIwould
entrustthis”dauntingaffair”tomyclosestacquaintances.Thisway,Ithought,Icould
pouroutmywholethroughaletter,takecareofherbills,throughafriend.Andwell,you
guesseditright;Iwouldliterarykillthreebirdswithasinglestone,howingenious!
Attheendofitall,however,nolettereverreachedQuin,andnotapennyevergraced
herpurse.Ihadcourtedmyveryacquaintanceswithpoeticlinesandspoiltthemwith
myhardearnedcash.Ihadtakenmyselfforalunaticride.ThefollowingAugust
summer,Iheard,throughafriend,Quinhadelopedwitharandomvillagemascot.
CouldIhavepaidthepriceformyinabilitytocourtonmybehalf?Perhaps,Ihadnot
beenmanenough,andhadmettheheftyprice,ormaybe,shecouldn’ttellofmy
disability,onlythen,Ithinkshewouldcometomyrescue;arescue,thatIbadlyneeded.
Atleast,Iwassure,shelovedmeormaybeshedidn’t,butshegrewimpatienttoosoon.
Ideally,courtshipshouldnotbeaone-sidedtiring”baggage”,itshouldbeamutual
affairofresponsibility-sharing,especially,ifloveseemstostreamonbothendsofthe
“equation”.Thereshouldbearespectfulflowofconversationwithgenuine
complimentsallowedfromboth”parties”.Thisrelievesoneparty(whichisoftenmale)
theweightofleadingonawould-beawkwarddiscourse;likeaboringcomedianonan
endlesstour.Itoftenbuildsanairofconfidence,ifanyofthepartnersisatimidlover.
Well,what’smorefulfillinglikeapartnerwhofillsintothechinksofabreakingflowof
sweetnothingsfromtheother?
Whencourtingispoisedinagracefulequilibriumbybothmaleandfemale.Both
breathemoreeasily,andoften,arefoundamongtheircirclesextollinghowconfident
theirpartnersare;Abitoftrustbetweenpartners,isgivenroomtogrow,since
assuranceofagrowingloveisbutsubtlydisplayedthroughseeminglysmallgestures
ofcourtship;Eventually,arathersmoothcourtshipjourneytransitionsintoablissful
pactofmarriage.Although,thepresentcourtshiphasbeenwatereddowntoemails,
textsandphonecalls.The”outerfringes”areanchoredupon,livingouttheveryinner
characteroftheperson,thatthepresent”e-courtship”tendstoconceal.Thishas
exacerbatedtheproblemofbrokenmarriagesleadingtodivorces,thus”courtingfor
courts”.
Inanutshell,Iwouldrather,wereconsideredourconventionalwaysofcourtship,we
canstillmakeitfun,buildthepressure,thatkeepsoneonedge.Let’sapproachandlay

anattackfromthe”spring”(ifany);tiptoeinthedarkfrombehindtheirbackyardonlyto
relieveyourselfofthecrammedlovelines.Thisway,weshallknowoftheflawsand
perfectionsourpartnerssubtlyhold.Andmaybewecouldalsoestablish,ifourpursuit
willyieldorifitwon’t. Mugaboalvin..
mugaboalvin5@gmail.com
Freelancewriter.(Activistmagazine)